A great tool that I’ve acquired on handling apologies or any form of broken agreement.
Specifically this is if you need to apologize to someone else:
1. Acknowledge the broken agreement.
2. Accept Responsibility for having broken the agreement.
3. Account for why you broke the agreement (this can be tough!)
4. Apologize
5. Amend – what are you going to do to make it up to someone?
The 5 As in action
Here’s an example:
Hi Steve, I want to apologize for something. We had an agreement that I would meet you at 1100am. I arrived at 1110am, which is 10 minutes late. acknowledge
I gave myself 20 minutes to make the 20 minute drive. I encountered delays on the road – first a construction zone, then an accident. account
Because I didn’t leave early enough, I didn’t have any buffer time in case unexpected things popped up on the road. It’s my responsibility to be here on time, regardless of what happens on the road, so I accept responsibility for not leaving early enough. accept responsibility
I apologize for this, and want to make it up to you. apologize
To make it up to you, I am willing to stay late today to complete the new work that we choose in our meeting today. amend
Steve, what do you think?
Making the 5As work in day-to-day life
1. This may seem like a lot to do or remember or say. It’s only about 30 seconds of talking, and can make a world of difference, even if you miss parts of it.
2. Driving is a pretty huge responsibility where mistakes can cost tens of thousands of dollars, and lives are literally on the line every time we get behind the wheel. Yet we find a way to make it second nature – so much in fact, that we can have a conversation with a passenger and listen to music at the same time. The 5 As is not that tough…. use it a few times and it can also become second nature.
3. You don’t need to use absolutely all of the 5 elements every single time.
4. The 5 elements can be done in any order; you don’t have to keep them in the order I’ve outlined above.
5. It can be super tough at times; It takes courage to be totally honest; recently I was late for something because I allowed myself to be distracted by a news story about a football game, then I saw a long-time family friend on the street. When it was time for me to own up to my broken agreement, it was tough to say essentially: “I chose to read the article and talk to someone else instead of honouring my agreement with you.” Yet I still did it, and it helped fix things, as embarrassing as it might have been.
I still miss parts of the 5 As from time-to-time, although the more I practice, the better I get. (Having lots of practice – is that a good sign or a bad sign?!?)
Happy apologizing,
TF 
Tim,
Thanks for this post. It always amazes me how a principle or tool can seem so simple on the surface and be some PROFOUND and useful when applied, time and time again.
Here’s why I say that.
Yesterday I had a call with two of my closest colleagues, in which I introduced the 5A’s and why this is important for our team and more importantly, why it matters to me (100% responsibility, building and restoring trust, etc.). I had some fear about how they might “respond” to this. Sometimes I’ve found it challenging to demonstrate with clarity how important a tool like this can be.
I went for it though and my colleagues “got it” and are excited to use it in our relationships. Seeing the opportunity. (this was exciting for me).
The second part of my “why” …
Yesterday I emailed a couple close friends, whom I made a commitment with many months ago, about something in my life. In the last 30 days I was out of integrity with my agreement. And yesterday I emailed them using the 5A’s.
Today I spoke on the phone with one of those friends and he shared that, receiving the email he did from me, inspired him, filled him with love and respect and he just really appreciated it.
This blew me away and is proof to the power of the 5A’s.
Thanks for writing this blog – I deeply appreciate it Tim. It’s a great reference for such a powerful thing.
Sincerely,
Kyle